Tribune Reporters Accused of Practicing Journalism
PARODY JOURNALISM
By ERIN OAKS
Two prominent SLO County writers have been accused of practicing the dark art of journalism. SLO Tribune reporters Chloe Jones and Sadie Dittenber were singled out recently for engaging in what their detractors call literary Black Magic.
The Accusers
Those accusing the women of being witches are well-known members of the Paso Upright Citizens Brigade. Prominent among them are local voice of reason Linda George, SLO County spelling champion Gary Lehrer, and, of course, CalCoastNews publisher and beacon of literary excellence, Karen Velie.
Evidence against the young heretics includes obvious witch-like behavior such as fact-checking, objectivity, clarity of expression, and the proper application of punctuation, syntax and grammar — all tools of the Devil according to Ms. Velie. The numerous industry awards won by the writing pair are further proof that Satan is guiding their hands.
When asked why she had accused the two writers of heresy, Velie commented that, among other flaws, they are "smart, educated and principled." She also claimed, "It appears their work has been proofread before being published, something I would never do."
In bringing her accusations, Ms. Velie highlighted a fundamental difference in approach between her reporting and that of the accused, stating that the duo insisted on conducting research, writing truthfully and adhering to professional standards, while she sees journalism as a way to grind axes against personal enemies via her vendetta click farm.
Origins
The animosity seems to have started after Jones and Dittenber published a facetious "spell" last Halloween while poking a little fun at Ms. Velie's salacious crosstown microblog. Their incantation read:
Ode to a Libelous Witch
By quill and click and scrolling strife
May your headline miss the story's life
May typos dance and facts retreat
And A.I. make you obsolete!
May goblins fill the evening air
And your writers spell like Gary Lehrer
May you place your hand on the Holy Bible
Yet once again get sued for libel
May you drink the wine while playing cards
Then leave the group with best regards
And drive home like a drunken pagan
But land in jail like Glenn O'Hagan
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